A majority of Christians i meet have one thing in common, no its not that they are nice people or that they live by the moral code of the bible. What they have in common is this, to term it as they do a relationship with god. What is this, this relationship they talk about? I welcome insight from anyone who claims to have such a thing.
To have a relationship with god it would have to be an emotional being. Now, there is no room for such a being within our existence, at least not to our knowledge. The only way god can be this emotional being is for god to exist outside of our rules, outside of our existence. For god to exist in our domain i cant break it down to any other possibility than god=mathematics. If god is mathematics, then it cant be an emotional being but an endless sequence of rules. So, with what we know and what we can project with our current scientific knowledge today, for god to be this spiritual being it must live outside of our reality no? Such a projection opens god up to an infinite number of possibilities, what it can be, how it exists and so on.
I find it difficult to believe in miracles that many Christians lay claim to witnessing. Just today i was speaking to a lady of faith, she went on to tell me about this baffling story involving god speaking to her and healing her distorted leg many years ago. I wont get into details but i have no explanation for how exactly her leg could have healed by itself when she was briefed by doctors that she would be disabled for life. This happened just over a couple of days from how she described it. She went from being a cripple to dancing about in joy.
Ok, something is missing here.
These kinds of miracles dont exist to our knowledge, or do they? Im willing to bet shes missing key points out in her story, she believes god healed her no doubt but it cant have played out how she claimed. If god is capable of bending the rules with which the universe is based on, being mathematics, surely we would have witnessed such a thing no? Why is it that the only people who witness these kinds of things are either on drugs, woken up late at night, are suffering from cold temperatures or more to the point, believe in god. I want to witness one of these miracles myself, i want to witness water turning into gold. I want to see it with my eyes, i want to make my own conclusions. I want to rationalize it myself.
This relationship between man and god is supposed to be an emotional one. The holy spirit im told is the key to this relationship. What is the holy spirit? Nicky Gumbel puts it something like this, be filled with the holy spirit and be filled with gods love, like a sponge being drenched in water. Something is really off here. The point im supposedly missing is that god loves me. If i can understand that then everything else will come into place, thats what im told. This just feels ……. i dont even know. What i do know is that something feels very very off. Almost like preying on our need to be loved, which we all suffer from whether we admit it or not. Theres nothing bad about these people, in fact, if youve read my earlier posts they are overwhelmingly good people. I guess, maybe because they feel they have been fulfilled they have a sense of being complete. Hence why they give of a very positive energy? I do not know. But it would explain this supernatural atmosphere and kindness they give off to others.
As a thinker, i cannot take things at face value. Christianity demands that i do it to understand them, to understand faith and to understand god. They ask i jump of a cliff with a leap of faith, blind faith. I want to understand the Christian mind, i want to see what these people are seeing, i want to experience this relationship with god that they claim to have so i can judge for myself whether they are living in a delusion. It seems i am destined on my current path to go round and round in circles Something needs to change if i am ever to truly understand the Christian from their perspective, rather than just mine and that of science. I understand the scientist, i understand the general motivations of people in everyday life, but what i do not understand is faith.
Maybe i seek too much in my pursuit of answers. But, i ask for answers to my questions regardless.